Informal Conflict Strategies

• Don't be afraid to call university office for assistance
  • When seeking assistance, aim to understand rather than challenge.
• Be prepared
  • Have questions written down
  • Bullet points or outline information that you are seeking to understand
  • Keep relevant documents available that you can refer to to assist in your discussion
  • Read and review carefully all information available to you.
• Ask yourself-Reflect
  • What are my desired outcomes?
  • Are there other options that would be acceptable as a second option?
• Be pleasant and civil-maintain a positive and respectful attitude 
  • Treat others as you would like to be treated or spoken to (being rude or angry will not resolve the matter)
• Maintain good records and take notes
  • Ask for the names and titles of who you spoke with
  • Date of conversation
  • Save any correspondence like letters, receipts, emails
  • Seek clarification from the office to understand what occurred (question until you understand what happened and why)
  • Inquire about the rules, policies, and laws that govern their action/decision
• Communicate to the appropriate individual
  • If you cannot resolve the concern/issue, ask to talk with their supervisor.
  • Many university decisions have an appeal process, but there are often specific criteria and deadlines.

(Adapted from “Before You Call” by Laurie McCann. University of California, Santa Cruz.)

1. Varied Communication Methods

• If the current discussion seems unproductive, try switching to a different communication method. For instance, if you have been calling, consider using email or arranging a face-to-face meeting. If addressing concerns verbally leads to a circular conversation, try expressing your thoughts in a letter or seek assistance from a neutral third party.

2. Expressing Impact

• Enhance civility during challenging conversations by using "I statements" instead of "You statements." Share your feelings, needs, or the impact of the situation rather than making assumptions or judgments about others.
• For example, when you are late for work, I feel...
  Your aim is to present the facts of what the individual or individuals have done (said or not done)in the situation, express your reaction, and discuss the impact of their actions on your relationship or work. Conclude your statement by inviting the other party to respond. This approach can lead to acknowledgment, clarifications, or discussions on improving future interactions.
  

3. Written Communication (Even if Unused)

• Putting your thoughts in writing can help clarify your ideas and control how you convey them. It allows the other person to read and reflect on your message without immediate pressure to respond. Composing a letter can help identify priorities and key points to address in a direct conversation.

A letter or email should contain:

• • • Facts without personal opinions, as emotions can trigger defensiveness and hinder communication.
    • The impact on you.
    • Suggestions for constructive next steps or establishing guidelines for the future.
    • In email conflicts, consider using a BIFF Response (Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm) to maintain a positive tone.

(Adapted from The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill Ombuds Office)

A resource to assist/process:

Conflict Resolution Worksheet (Adapted with permission from The College of William & Mary)

Tips for Managing Difficult Conversations in the Workplace

1. 1. Clarify your objective and define the concern. (What is the specific Behavior)
      
      • Tip: Ask yourself: “What specific behavior that is causing the problem?” and "What impact is the behavior having on you, other colleagues, and your area?
        • Clearly understand this first so that you can articulate it succinctly in a few sentences.
   2. Prepare for the conversation and rehearse ahead of time. (Role Play)
   3. Plan meeting details.
      • Tip: Schedule at the end of week with prior notification
        • Select a private location (if others will be joining the meeting inform the other party)
        • Hold 30 minutes or less; face to face or video call.
   4. During the conversation, use these One Minute Manager techniques to Connect, Focus, Activate, and Review.
      • Brief overview: Lessons from 'The One Minute Manger'
   5. Follow-up and reinforce as appropriate.
      • Tip: People need to experience a 4:1 ratio of positive/encouraging interactions to challenging interactions in order to avoid feeling threatened or overly criticized.

      • Enhancing positive feedback and empowering dialogues will:

        • Strengthen engagement

        • Promote psychological safety at work

        • Help avoid triggering a threat response/defensive reaction

   6. More productive conversations can be had when people:

      • Actively listen in order to understand/comprehend

      • Ask the right questions

      • Provide feedback that challenges and supports

      • Establish accountability and defining next steps

      • Improving interactions are the key part of building a better organizational culture

Effective Ways to Address a Concern:

• Choose the appropriate tone
• Begin assertively and confidently
• Show respect
• Demonstrate empathy and openness
• Manage time and emotions effectively
• Employ precise language like “difficult” or “concerned”, “important”
• Seek clarification through questions
• Conclude with a clear outline of next steps and expectations
• End on a positive note regardless of the issue
• Remember, "it takes a long time to build bridges with people and only minutes to destroy them!!!"

Things to Avoid When Addressing a Concern:

• Avoid using humor
• Refrain from excessive apologies or making it too personal
• Prevent inappropriate responses
• Stay true to your original intent
• Avoid letting the conversation stray off topic

(Adapted from the Center for Creative Leadership, 5 steps for tackling Difficult Conversations)

A resource to assist/process:

We have to talk

Steps to consider: Difficult conversations

Words to defuse a tough situation